“Quiet the mind and the soul shall speak”
It’s no secret; the first few weeks and often months of a separation or divorce can feel like a never-ending cycle of really, really bad days.
I know when I was going through divorce, I felt pretty overwhelmed, confused and scared. There is no easy way to bypass the grief and confusion of a breakup. But it is possible.
There are so many ways that you can give yourself some focus each day. It doesn’t need to cost the earth or anything at all. Let me know your best tips for taking back that time for yourself.
I started running, meditating and journaling. All three gave me some form of release. I still use these techniques regularly when I hit a difficult time.
Try one or more of the self care tips I’ve put together. You don’t need to do them. Pick one or two that work for you.
Get out into nature
Go for a walk,...
I was speaking to a lovely lady last week, who I’m going to call Marie. That’s not her actual name, of course. She called me about divorce proceedings and we started talking about whether divorce was right for her. This seems to be a recurring discussion that I have with people that call.
“Why is someone asking you whether divorce is the way to go?” I hear you say! Sometimes, I do find that I’m more counsellor than divorce expert.
But I have been there myself. That indecision, confusion, overwhelm just takes over and makes everything a big swirl inside you.
Marie was clear that the relationship was definitely over but she couldn’t decide what to do next. After a bit of time, it appeared that her indecision was down to fear.
When we feel huge fear, it leads us to paralysis and stops us from taking steps in any direction. It can be fear of the future, fear around finances, whether the...
Divorce “One Day”
Divorce is not a pleasant thing to deal with. That’s why most people put it to the back of their heads and decide that they will sort it out ‘one day’.
Usually, that ‘one day’ doesn’t come round for many years. By then, you may have a new partner who is wondering why you haven’t sorted this sooner, you want to get married again or you can’t find the address for your husband or wife. The point is that there is never a ‘good time’ to get divorced, the best time is as soon as you realise that you want a different life from your spouse and the only way out is a divorce.
A New Life
You will be able to finally turn a new leaf and lead the life you have always wanted to lead with nothing holding you back.
Until you see your decree absolute (this means that your marriage is over legally) you will be living in limbo. It’s almost if you carry on living in the past and...
I hear all the time that unless you've been separate for more than 2 years you can't get divorced.
This is not true!
What grounds can I use?
You can get divorced using one of the grounds that doesn't include separation for 2 years
Do I have to blame the other person?
Some people don't know that this is even an option for them to get their divorce finalised without having to wait so long. For other people they don't want to 'blame' the other person.
We can prepare your divorce petition so that the reasons for divorce will not upset the other person and they don't feel blamed. Until the law is changed this is the only option to get divorced sooner than 2 years.
This can be daunting for some as they will worry that they will sound as though they will be blaming the collapse of the marriage on the other person. Don't worry. There are ways that this can be managed so that everyone is okay.
The journey it takes to finally decide that you...
Many people stress about not being able to pay the £550 court fee when getting a divorce. Especially during these difficult times, the court fee may be the reason many people prolong their divorce or avoid it completely.
This can take a toll on your life and prevent you from finally living the life you wish to live. Luckily there is a solution to this.
Just remember if you are on benefits or low income you may not have to pay the court fees.
Am I eligible?
If you receive one of the benefits below then you will not have to pay the court fees at all:
There are savings limits too which we can look at,
A person on low income with minimal savings can get a part or full reduction. If you have dependent children, or a partner living with you will be...
Many couples go through the DIY divorce route to save costs and also to keep the lawyers out. This is a sensible option for some. Simplified forms and the courts new online divorce portal makes it even easier to start proceedings yourself.
If there are assets involved you should draw up a formal financial agreement, called a consent order or clean break order. These documents can be quite complex and confusing and you may need advice or guidance from someone with legal training. Often, couples are not aware of the implications of the agreement that they have reached.
This is particularly the case with the complex area around dealing with pensions on divorce. There has been a 45% increase in the number of couples opting for a pension attachment order between 2015 and 2017 despite some of the drawbacks of this type of pension order.
On divorce, couples need to consider how they will be looking at this very unusual assets which is a pension. Whilst it is not liquid and in many cases,...
To get divorced in England and Wales you need to show to the court that your marriage has broken down. That doesn't actually mean that you need to invite the judge round to witness the mud slinging.
Unless you have been separated for over two years, you only have the option of adultery or unreasonable behaviour to prove the breakdown, both of which expect the person starting the divorce to say the other is at fault.
Sometimes, a couple have just drifted apart and there is no real blame to be apportioned. For other couples, blaming one person can lead to more conflict and animosity.
Picture this scenario. Mr and Mrs Owens separated in 2015. She started divorce proceedings against Mr Owen on the grounds of his behaviour. They hadn't yet been separated for two years and so that was the only ground available to her.
Surprisingly, the court decided that the behaviour was not unreasonable enough even through Mrs Owen clearly believed that Mr Owen's behaviour made her feel that she could...
Recently, I was talking to a friend about stories and why they have such an impact. Whatever their age or background people love to hear stories. It is human nature to reach out and connect with others in a way that invokes shared feelings and experiences. This is communication at its best. Personal stories can lead the audience to react in different ways but also learn a bit more about the storyteller.
This led me to think about my own story which I have shared with various people along the way. It helped them to get some insight in who I am, why I do what I do and perhaps connect with me in some way.
Maybe we all have a story to tell - here is mine.
I decided that I wanted to be a high flying corporate lawyer at a young age after watching so many episodes of LA Law. I made up my mind and did everything I could to qualify as a solicitor. Throughout law school, corporate law did not align with me as a person so I opted to specialise in family law. I felt I could bring...